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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Fallout

Thanksgiving was at Jason's parents this year. And I decided not to go because I will never be good enough for them. Jason told them I wasn't coming and they told him that I took my archivist job because I don't like people and I want to be alone all the time. And I was afraid of hearing what they would say about me so I wouldn't come to their house. Which is ironic because they have never said any of this to their son.
Not to mention they are convinced that I am autistic.
So Jason and his parents argued about me for the upteenth time, and he left.
When he told me what happened, I didn't take it well. I had nightmares about them ruining my wedding and I cried a lot. I didn't sleep very well.
Fortunately, my family rallied around me and Jason rallied around me and I recovered.
I'm not going to let the opinion of two people who have met me four times in the past eight years I've known Jason dictate how I feel about myself.
So now it is time for Christmas, and I have been invited to Jason's cousin's house. My sister and my mom proposed we have a Jewish Christmas and see Frost Nixon and eat lunch together. Jason told his parents I wasn't coming to Christmas dinner and they said they hoped I would reconsider because we're going to be family.
*lets that sink in a minute*
I cannot be around them yet. I may be able to understand that Jason doesn't want his parents to die alone so he feels he should spend time with them, but I don't want to be around them. Even if lots of other people are there. I'm tired of them hurting their son with the things they say about me.
I may have recovered, but I have scars. The wound is too raw. I need time to heal. And the truth is, I may never forgive them for what they have said. I am not sure that I can.

10 Comments:

Blogger maroonclown said...

*hug*

That sucks, but you know who really loves you, and that's all that matters.

Happy Chrismakuh!

*smooch*

7:24 AM  
Blogger Silvergirl said...

Great post, and it is so expressive. If only these inlaws-to-be could love you for you, because you are so awesome.

I'm sorry they have hurt you again, and no, I don't forgive them either. OTOH, they did produce Jason to the world.

I've honestly never heard so many small minded comments in my life. Autistic? Hate people? Geez!

"Sure, we don't like you, and we think you're not good enough for our son *who would be?*, but Welcome to the freaking family!"

{{{Hugs}}} and Happy Holidays

Oh, and since they have made it clear they don't like you, I would steer clear of them, too. There isn't a thing you can do to make nice with these people, unless they wake up and realize they are wrong, and that is not likely at all at this point in time.

I watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" a few weeks ago, and thought of you. *smooch*

11:19 PM  
Blogger hooboosam said...

So sorry Deb. *big hugs*

7:56 AM  
Blogger kim (weltek) said...

Sigh. I hate this for you.

I 100% understand where you are coming from, and would probably do the same thing (not go). Or maybe I'd go, say my hellos and leave.

6:59 AM  
Blogger Swami said...

Oh darn Deb - that sucks! *big hug*

So many in-laws and future in-laws manage to alienate their kid and kid's spouse! It is really stupid. Mostly they drastically underestimate how hurtful their words are, and only realize they have alienated you totally when it is too late to make any kind of immediate, graceful recovery.

I won't bore you with my own long hurtful in-laws story, but I will say you can survive this just fine because, really, they have no control of your life with Jason unless you guys give it to them. So don't.

Visit them on a day trip once or twice a year. Be polite. Bring a hotdish to events, lol. That is all that duty requires. Jason may visit more often, but you already understand that.

Be happy Deb! You deserve happiness!

1:04 PM  
Blogger Silvergirl said...

Yay for a Swami comment! She has experience with this, so she is very wise.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Pepe said...

Hi Deb!

I've joined blogland, so I've added you to my list if that's OK with you.

That is really sad about the future in-laws -- if only they could read your comments to really understand how silly and asshatted (new word!) they've been with their actions.

Good for you to stand up for yourself and not subject yourself to being treated less than what you deserve.

Hang in there and know that you've got Jason's support and understanding about the whole situation.

3:43 AM  
Blogger Puffy said...

They're missing out on a daughter-in-law who would be a true gift to their family. Hopefully, they'll change their ways and you can all have a relationship. Perhaps they're afraid of losing him, and are trying a last-ditch effort to keep him.

We had a Jewish Christmas, too. We saw "Valkyrie" and "Marley and Me," and then went for Chinese food.

6:24 PM  
Blogger ~Nutz said...

You are right to feel the way you do.

Happy new year!

4:00 PM  
Blogger Bravie said...

I know that this is very hard. Believe me I know. Let your wounds heal some but don't stop going around them. Let them say what they want. You and Jason love one another and are going to be together whether they like it or not. At some point they are going to have to come around. It may not seem like it but they will. And if they don't, they will be the ones who lose out. Because at some point Jason is going to get tired of the same ole song and dance and THEY are going to silently force him to make a choice. And when he chooses you, they will have no choice but to come around.
In a certain sense this is what Michelle and I had to go through before our parents started to accept that their children were gay and were going to be with the person who they loved. Now we are one big happy family. So hang in there kiddo. It will get better one way or another. *hugs*

8:08 AM  

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