My Life as a Caps Fan

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Location: Maryland, United States

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Thanksgiving was at Jason's parents this year. And I decided not to go because I will never be good enough for them. Jason told them I wasn't coming and they told him that I took my archivist job because I don't like people and I want to be alone all the time. And I was afraid of hearing what they would say about me so I wouldn't come to their house. Which is ironic because they have never said any of this to their son.
Not to mention they are convinced that I am autistic.
So Jason and his parents argued about me for the upteenth time, and he left.
When he told me what happened, I didn't take it well. I had nightmares about them ruining my wedding and I cried a lot. I didn't sleep very well.
Fortunately, my family rallied around me and Jason rallied around me and I recovered.
I'm not going to let the opinion of two people who have met me four times in the past eight years I've known Jason dictate how I feel about myself.
So now it is time for Christmas, and I have been invited to Jason's cousin's house. My sister and my mom proposed we have a Jewish Christmas and see Frost Nixon and eat lunch together. Jason told his parents I wasn't coming to Christmas dinner and they said they hoped I would reconsider because we're going to be family.
*lets that sink in a minute*
I cannot be around them yet. I may be able to understand that Jason doesn't want his parents to die alone so he feels he should spend time with them, but I don't want to be around them. Even if lots of other people are there. I'm tired of them hurting their son with the things they say about me.
I may have recovered, but I have scars. The wound is too raw. I need time to heal. And the truth is, I may never forgive them for what they have said. I am not sure that I can.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

I've worked my tail off this semester

One last 26 page preservation project later, and I'm done with my semester. It was a lot of work, but I am proud of myself. I can go back to have a life again for a few more weeks before I start all over again. Things are good...I still have my part time job which pays the few bills I have. I am trying to get a coveted Library of Congress internship for the summer. We'll see how that goes. Jason is still the sweetest most caring person I know. He made me breakfast in bed yesterday morning just because. It was very luxurious. Now that I'm done with the semester (except for one quick edit of the paper) I can clean up the whirlwind of paper I've left in the house. It's everywhere. :) My family is doing there annual gift exchange for Hanukkah on the 21st. I have my dad for the big gift again this year. It's easy to make him happy.
Anyway, the screen is getting blurry from staring at it for hours, so I am going to stop typing now. Woo-hoo!!